If We were honest at Job interviews

By | 09:00

What are your strengths?
I can open jars without any help.

What are your weaknesses?
Basically everything else.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
How am I supposed to know, I'm not even sure what to eat for dinner.

Why do you want to leave your current company?
Because my manager is total douche in his midlife-crises.

Why do you want this job?
Because I like having warm food and a roof over the head preferred not in a homeless institute.  

Why should we hire you?
I have no fucking idea, I just thought you might be crazy enough to hire me.

Describe a difficult experience at work and how you handled it?
Well there was this one time the vending machine broke so I had to survive a whole day without chocolate, at the end, the engineer fixed it, that was a tough day.

Describe your career goals
I hope to find a job where I don't have to do a lot, get paid an assload of money and hopefully, I don't hate everyone I work with, because that happens a lot.

Want kind of benefit do you wish the company to offer you
Free donuts and Starbucks.

What would you like to accomplish in the first 30 days on the job?
Create the illusion that I don't hate my boss.

What are you passionate about
Sleeping and cat videos.

What was your biggest mistake?
Deciding to cut my own bangs in elementary school.

What have you learned from mistakes?
Well I learned that some people are fucking stupid.

What motivates you?
Money, obviously!

Would you work on weekends?
It doesn't matter what I say, you gonna make me work on weekends anyway.

Would you work 40+ hours a week?
Wait, there are jobs that requires less than 40 hours a week?

How would you deal with an angry or irate customer?
I...don't really give a fuck about them.

How do you handle pressure?
I lock myself in the bathroom and scream.

What will you do if you don't get this job?
Probably cry and drown in tears while eating chips. 

Neuerer Post Älterer Post Startseite

Ask & Comment